Every smile has a story...

 

A huge thank you to my sister who has done an incredible job of updating our journey with everyone! I wanted to write a post to personally thank everyone for all of the texts, phone calls, meals and visits. I have been overwhelmed and amazed at the outpouring of love, support and encouragement we have received from friends, family and even strangers. I've truly seen God work in our hearts as well as the hearts of others and I can't believe how a little 10lb baby has touched the lives of so many and he's only 2 months! I've never prayed so hard or cried so much since Ryder has been born. I have a sign in my kitchen that reads "When life gets to hard to stand....kneel" and that sign has never spoken so much truth!

I have asked God a million times "why Ryder?" As a mommy you want to be able to fix every hurt, mend every "owie" and take away all of your baby's pain. Isn't that what mommy's are supposed to do? Make their chlidren feel all better? It breaks my heart to not be able to fix Ryder, to not be able to tell him he won't have to undergo surgeries or have to be constantly poked and prodded at every doctor's appointment, to make his lip/palate whole again etc., that's when I remember that God is the ultimate healer and His ways are not our ways nor are His thoughts our thoughts. I look at Ryder day after day and as I start to think about the numerous surgeries he'll have to go undergo I can easily start to get discouraged, grow angry and bitter but then I quickly take every thought captive and I remember that God has a plan. He has every detail of our lives written down and before Ryder was born, He knew him, He set him apart and He has a plan!

September 10th marked Ryder's 2 month birthday and on that morning, as he slept, I just stared at his face as tears streamed down my own. I cried and rejoiced all at the same time. Ryder likes to smile as he sleeps (I like to think he's dreaming of the Angels who carried him down from heaven) and as I gazed at his smile I savored every second of it because I knew his smile would soon be changing...

Ryder's first surgery is scheduled for October 4th at 7:30am at CHOC of Orange. Dr. Prutsok (Ryder's plastic surgeon) will be repairing his lip and he'll have to stay at least one night in the hospital. Post-surgery, he'll have two sets of stiches (4 layers each) coming down from his nose, from where they pulled the sides of his top lip together to meet in the middle. I know I'm supposed to be happy about this because Ryder will be able to eat, talk and function better with his lip surgery but I've grown to love my baby exactly the way he is that the thought of his face changing breaks my heart. For 2 months I've woken up to and fallen asleep staring at his perfect little face. I don't even notice the cleft anymore! I savor his smile, I savor the way he tries to suck down his special bottle as fast as he can, I savor his little cleft that I have to clean after every feed. In my mind, Ryder is exactly the way God has intended and he's absolutely perfect! His smile already has such a story!

I ask for prayers as we embark on this first surgery. I pray that God directs the hands of Ryder's plastic surgeon and nurses. I pray that God comforts him as he lies on that hospital bed and has no idea what is going on. I pray that God gives us a peace that passes all understanding as we wait for our precious baby to come out of surgery. I pray that when we see Ryder for the first time, post-surgery, that our hearts will be filled with joy and not sadness. And when we see Ryder's new smile, we'll know that this smile's story will eventually end with "and they lived happily ever after"