The Stocking Story: Consider it all Joy!

Baby Ryder was released from the hospital on Saturday, October 5th. Thankfully, we only had to stay one night in the hospital but what a night that was! This journey has taken me to depths of feelings and emotions that I have never wanted to know but I will forever be a better mommy, daughter, sister, wife, and friend for it.

When I saw baby Ryder for the first time, post-surgery, I immediately burst into tears. It was difficult for me to see my baby boy and not recognize him. His face all swollen, eyes barely open and mouth stitched from end to end. My heart broke and I began to grieve. I was grieving the loss of the baby I had loved from the second he was born. There was a different child before me and although he was the same - he was also very different.

As a mommy, you yearn to protect your children. Keep them from all harm, pain and suffering. It's this instinctual desire that is unexplainable. I felt it and knew it from the second I found out I was pregnant with Ryder. It's a very difficult thing to look at your baby, hear him cry and see him suffer. But it's during these times that I have called out to God the loudest and hardest. God is faithful, loving, all-knowing, all-powerful and I know that He's comforting Ryder in ways I'm not able to. Ryder is God's child first and foremost and He's set Ryder apart before he was in my womb. Reminding myself of Ryder's special verse, Jeremiah 1:5, brought me a bit of peace that was very much needed.

I've asked God a few million times "Why?" and there are days when I'm sad and angry but that's just what the enemy wants and I will NOT let him steal my joy! It's very easy to forget all of God's goodness when you're in the midst of a storm but that's when I start to count all of life's blessings and I am quickly reminded of my Father's agape love! He has blessed me with a perfect baby boy who has such inner JOY that when he smiles his eyes twinkle! That is when this verse came to me - it was so loud I practically heard it shouted!

James 1:2-3

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience."

That's when it hit me - if Ryder can smile with pure joy in the midst of this journey then why can't I? My precious baby boy - already teaching mommy so many things!

A new smile is birthed, a new lesson is learned!

Ryder's getting better day by day! His swelling has gone down and he's slowly yet surely turning back into his normal self - talking up a storm, re-learning how to eat with his special bottle and keeping mommy and daddy right where he likes them.....wrapped around his little finger. And there's no other place I'd rather be!

Day 1 -This hurts!